Stop what you are doing Magic Makers and listen up! Are you ready to STOP chasing Mr. Wrong! It’s time to stop swiping through all those macho, “Gumball men”, you know the ones who only care about themselves or are overcompensating for something. If you are on all those dating apps and just feel alone, girlfriend it’s time to put the phone down, reevaluate what it is that YOU really want in a relationship and flip the script on the old dating ways you thought you knew!
On this podcast I got the chance to sit down with Melissa Leger to talk about, yup.. you guessed it, DATING! And girl, did we we got into it! Melissa came up with the concept, “Gumball Love” when she became fed up with men, dating and being ghosted by who she thought were Mr. Right! If this is you, you have got to take a listen because we dive into some juicy stuff on today’s episode!
Melissa, read tons of self-help books about relationships and how to keep a man and so on and so forth, but just couldn’t find anything that worked or even sounded like something that resonated with her. After dealing with her own breakup and going to therapy, she finally found Gumball Love and knew what it was that she DID NOT WANT in a man. And that man she didn’t want to deal with any longer, was that guy who was just looking for that next quick fix, much like a gumball, and they wanted the attention, not a connection.
A lot of resources when looking for help with dating is telling us to change X Y Z about ourselves, and if you do it this way versus the other way, you would attract a man. If you weren’t attracting these men, then you need to change who you are to attract a man. But guess what then, that is not authentically you! And come on, women are worn out, tired, and tired of always trying to be the support system for the guy. They are tired of giving them all of the attention, coddling them, etc. And just plain tired of becoming what he wants!!
If you are struggling with dating right now, take a step back… yup keeping backing up. STOP trying to become someone different and actually try and get to know your true self!! Ask yourself things like, “Do you really even like this type of music. Or do I really even like Sushi? And are you annoyed because you pretend to like it because you think you should?”. It’s all about questioning things and really getting congruent with yourself. Weed through things within yourself until you have created YOUR OWN BRAND of who you are!
When finding your own brand and truly finding you, you will stop turning into a chameleon just to compromise with men and you will be able to spot that person who can actually complement YOU! You will find self-respect again, and you will continuously communicate in a high vibe way, so much so that those like-minded, compatible people will just gravitate towards you!
In Melissa’s Program, she helps women to take a big step back and figure out boundaries when it comes to relationships, what they allow and will not allow. And a lot of them are coming out of a long relationship and they feel like they have to know idea what dating is! But when you really start dating for the right reasons, the right way there really is nothing to re-learn!! It’s about finding who you truly are and knowing what it is you truly want!
You ladies know how to build relationships right? You know how to spend time with someone and get to know them, don’t you!? When building those relationships, it’s about building a foundation of trust and compatibility. And if it’s going in the right direction and it just FEELS GOOD, you want to scream it from the rooftops!!
Dating has got to be about HAVING FUN!!
The guy you are with should be WANTING to take you places and have experiences with you. They should be equally excited to spend time with you as you are with them! And listen, if you’re with a guy and he’s focused more about how much a date costs and less about the actual experience, then he’s absolutely the WRONG GUY. At this point, he’s completely lost sight of the value of the whole process.
When you are dating, you should be getting to know each other and building that trust with one another. You want to have fun together and you want to experience things together right? But as soon as the fun stops and FEAR creeps in (like worrying about how much the dinner and a play or concert costs), then immediately you know something is wrong…
Relationships are a HUGE deal.. Like massive.
And if we are going to go ALL IN, then we NEED to ask for a lot. And we should feel damn good about asking for a lot.
Some things to remember on a date:
- There should be equal energy on the date.
- You should never question the energy either.
- You want to be the most comfortable in your own skin, and THAT is when you are going to be the most beautiful.
- Be confident in who you are as a woman.
- HAVE FUN
- Be authentic to who you are, what you like, what you don’t like. What you know and what you don’t know!
- Don’t be a first date imposter and try and be who you think he wants you to be just to impress him.
- Just BE YOU!
The person that you truly want to be with is someone that is supportive of your dreams, they are there for you, they compliment you and are into the TRUE YOU! Not someone you pretend to be to conform to their standards. They want to spend time with you, take you places, and they are able to take arguments and bumps you have along the way and move forward from them. Not turn and run like a scared and insecure Gumball guy!
But remember, you may not find this at first. It could and will most likely take time, it will take time to rebuild yourself, and that is TOTALLY OKAY!! If you have to be single, then girl, that is more time to work on you and find out what it is that you love! DATE YOURSELF!! Get clear about who you are, take on a new hobby, start exploring new things that interest you, find out what it is you really like or don’t like, take time and throw away that ticking clock.
It is okay to be single and don’t let anyone or any pressures from society tell you that something is wrong with you just because you are single or that you NEED to have a mate! Being single is NOT the end of the world. And trust me, when you start truly connecting with who you are, you will begin to really feel what it is that you are supposed to do, then everything will just click! You will feel confident, you will begin to show up to those dates, and you’re going to be shining like a freakin beacon!